babblings…I’m feeling…

*lucky. So much Charley lovin’ going on in this house. After all the pain and loss this summer, I can’t begin to explain how blessed we feel to have Charley join our family. This dog. Oh my, this dog. He has the sweetest, most gentle essence about him. He is the best medicine I can imagine. And every day starts a bit brighter because of Charley. He awakes so happy and high on life that you just can’t help but feel better about life yourself. He is an absolute love. And I can’t even put into words how much of an understatement that is.

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*insightful. Ha! Yeah, that may be overstating it. But I have had a few things dawn on me recently. I’ve been in perhaps my most all-encompassing painful fibro flare to date. There is a weird balancing act that goes on with me and fibro, between refusing to give into it and yet accepting that I have to respect it. One thing that has dawned on me is that this seems to be the place I need for my mental wranglings. It’s just not something I feel comfortable talking to other people about directly. I’ve noticed that when people ask me how I’m feeling, I tend to sidestep. And another thing I’ve noticed is that I am so often apologizing because of fibro. Because of the things I just can’t seem to get done when in the grips of a bad flare up. Apologizing to people I love and care about for letting them down in myriad ways–from not returning emails and letters to not cooking the supper someone was really excited about.. Thing is, I’m blessed with the kindest, most understanding family and friends on earth–and they always find my apologies unnecessary. And I think it’s time I learn to let go of some of the guilt that comes with this chronic invisible illness.

*incredulous. Gray turned 15 yesterday! I am grateful every day that I get to be a part of this amazing kid’s life. Again with the understatement.

*weirded out. By the fact that I just can’t seem to make myself read lately. Since Dewey’s Read-a-thon a week and a half ago, the only reading I’ve done has been for homeschooling. Nothing that was just for fun. What I read for read-a-thon was awesome though! Loved all three books I read: Seconds by Bryan Lee O’Malley (though I think I’m in the minority of people who actually liked his Lost at Sea better), March Book Two by John Lewis, Andrew Aydin, and Nate Powell (can’t wait for final book of this trilogy), and Murder is Bad Manners by Robin Stevens (reminded me of how much I adore awesome middle grade fiction; seriously, I was smitten). Just remembering how much enjoyment I got from those books, makes me think that today is the day I need to pick up a new book–like maybe Hark! A Vagrant, before I have to return it to the library.

*numb. Over The Walking Dead. Not numb as in “I don’t care,” but numb as in “I care too much, and I’m not sure how much more I can take.” This season has been nothing short of brutal thus far.

*panicked. But amazingly calm about the panic. Which of course is completely contradictory. There’s no way I’m going to get all the gifts made for Christmas. It’s just not going to happen. *sigh* And still I don’t stop trying. I worked on Chris’ gift much of the last two days, and can’t believe how little progress two days looks like. On a side note, I binged on the entire first season of How to Get Away with Murder during those two days. I do believe Annalise Keating may be the. most. intriguing. character I’ve ever seen on a television show.

 

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in the craft room: the countdown continues…

14 weeks. Just 14 short weeks until Christmas. How can this freakin’ be?!! I know it’s time to admit defeat, but for some reason, my brain just won’t do it. If I follow pattern, I’ll keep unrealistically hoping that I’ll actually finish all the gifts I want to make right up until about 3 days before Christmas, when I admit that the 500 hours left of work I have to do simply cannot be crammed into those 72 hours. Yep, been there, done that…will be there again, will do that again. 😛

So how did I do with my goals for the past two weeks? Not so great..

  1. Reassess, organize, and schedule all Christmas gift projects:

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I did pull out my gift binder, and reevaluated. I made a list of the people that I definitely wanted to make something for. I already had ideas for most people, but I’d been racking my brains for months trying to come up with an idea for Ana. And I finally stumbled upon what I hope is the perfect idea. That alone makes me feel accomplished on goal #1. But technically, no, I did not finish this. I made this revised list of all the gifts I want to make. (Actually, there is this “priority” list and a “maybe” list and an “unlikely, but one can dream” list.) Where I failed, however, is in the scheduling. I know I should do it, to better keep myself on track, but I’m daunted by the idea. This list has soooo many big projects on it.

2. Make 50 granny squares.

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I guess I get a very low C on this one–I got 35 made.

3. Put in 20 hours of work on x-stitch picture.

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Not quite, but close. I got in 19 hours. And see some progress, though there’s still an awfully long way to go.

4. Make two small gifts.

Complete fail. Didn’t start anything new, let alone finish.

I have my next update scheduled for three weeks from now. My goal for these three weeks:

  1. Make that damn schedule.
  2. Finish crocheting granny squares that I currently have the yarn for. (I still need to buy quite a bit.)
  3. Begin crocheting granny squares together.
  4. 60 hours on in-progress cross-stitch picture.
  5. Get supplies for Ana’s gift.
  6. Work 5 hours on Mom’s tote.
  7. Find good piece of wood for Gray’s pencil holder.
  8. Make Annie’s variegated cowl.
  9. Decide which Pokemon to make for Gray.
  10. Make Max’s hat.

Too much, I know. But we’ll see how it goes.

in the craft room: already the panic sets in

If I counted correctly, Christmas is a mere 16 weeks away. Why do I let this happen every damn year?!! It’s so easy to say, “Oh there’s plenty of time to get all your Christmas gifts made” back in January and February and March. And apparently in June and July and August too. But now here it is September and the seeds of panic are sprouting! How the hell am I ever going to get my entire list done?!! The honest answer is, “I’m not.” And it definitely does not help that I’ve put so many big (as in mega-time-consuming) projects on the list this year. It’s obviously time to get organized and reassess what might realistically be accomplished.

In the meantime, these are the two projects I’ve been focused on the last two weeks. Both gifts. Both coming along…but at way too slow a pace.

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Lots of granny squares made. But if my math skills didn’t fail me, I figure I need slightly more than 500 of these little critters. Loooong way to go.

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And I love that I’m starting to see the picture come alive here, but oh my. Progress in a large cross-stitch project comes so slowly, and I’ve got oh-so-far to go.

Goals for the next two weeks:

*reassess, organize, and schedule list of gift projects

*50 granny squares

*20 hours work on cross-stitch picture

*make 2 small gifts