tidbits…

*So much Dmitri loving going on around here. It’s been a joy seeing the various bits of his personality emerge as the days go by. Affectionate. Independent. Silly. Needy. Aloof. A study in contradictions. What cat isn’t.

*Frustration. Lots of that lately. With lots of things: flare that won’t end, getting further behind by the day with school, inability to get everything organized, the slow pace of gift making. Thing is though, I’m proud of myself. Yes, the frustration is there, but I’m not letting it overwhelm me.

*The search for a dog to fit into our family has begun. I still miss Bacon more than I can say. So many times I have to stop myself from calling him when a bit food falls on the floor, so many times I imagine the sound of this tags jingling, so many times I see that sweet beagle face in my mind and I just can’t stop the tears from welling. He wasn’t there singing “Happy Birthday” with us for Rich’s birthday or for Max’s birthday…and it sounded so wrong without him howling along. Christmas will never be the same; Bacon had more Christmas joy than any person I’ve ever known. No one wants another dog to take his place. Which is good, because no other dog ever could. But I think we’ve reached the point where we’re ready to welcome a new personality into our home. A dog to make her/his own place in our family.

*Enjoying autumn. Finally. (Summer weather both arrived a month early and departed a month late this year.) And it’s been a very mild autumn for the most part thus far. (Though maybe snow this weekend–trying not to get my hopes up.) Anyway, enjoying the goodness of the season, yes indeed. Oh how I love all the seasons. The reds, the oranges, the yellows–all my favorite colors. The pumpkin, pumpkin, everywhere–pumpkin waffles, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin snack cake. All the creepy, mysterious, unsettling reads. Oooh, and a new discovery–Tim Hortons’ hot caramel apple cider. Heavenly.

*Flapjack, Flapjack, Flapjack. I can’t help but feel amazed on a daily basis over what a large chunk of my heart you have taken. How did I ever survive the first 51 years of my life without a sweet guinea pig like you in it?!!

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*Tomorrow is Dewey’s Readathon. As I started to type those words, I got lost in a million thoughts. Yes, there is still a very real feeling that my heart is being crushed because I miss her so very much. But there is so much happiness in my memories. And so much gratitude for all the things I encounter throughout my days that remind me so powerfully of Dewey. I sometimes envy those who believe in an afterlife, and maybe it’s the fact that I don’t that makes me so profoundly comforted by and thankful for every piece of her that lives in my memories. And, I’m not sure how to put this into words, but I’m comforted also by the fact that all the other people who where lucky enough to know her carry around their own memories, and across this world there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of different memories of her living in hearts and minds of people. I don’t know if that’s weird or overly sentimental, but I know it helps me to know that.

these days around here…

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…loving having a new family member…loving how completely he’s made himself at home…loving his sweet, affectionate personality…not loving that he feels the need to wake me up several times every night to pet him (dude–my sleep problems are epic even without your demands for attention!)…

…listening to “Don’t Fear the Reaper” on repeat…happens every October…who the hell am I kidding–it happens other times of year too…also in heavy rotation at the moment are “Conversation 16” and “Cold October”…what can I say–I’m a creature of habit…

…enjoying the colors of autumn…not to mention the cooler temperatures…and atmospheric skies…and shorter hours of daylight…

…attempting to keep the overwhelmed and panicked feelings in check…what gets done gets done and what doesn’t doesn’t…and fibro fog will lift and that will help immensely…

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…reading too many books at once, some more diligently than others…as usual…oh, and there’s The Twelve by Justin Cronin on audiobook…yep, forever my own worst enemy…

…anticipating Dewey’s 24 Hour Read-a-thon…and a possible girls weekend if the guys take their camping trip (though Annie will probably have to work most of it)…hearing all about Ana’s latest adventures…fall baking…return of The Walking Dead…and more immediately, my second cup of coffee…

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…feeling relieved that Max’s science project is done…he and his partner spent 12 hours over the past week at our house working on it…almost $50 spent between the two families…total of 4 trips to the hardware store…they had 1 1/2 weeks to come up with a project, do their research, design an experiment, perform that experiment, analyze their data, and put together a presentation…

…thinking that it would be an awesome weekend for Rich to make chili…and me to make pumpkin snack cake…

good stuff: early autumn joys…

Oh Debs, you didn’t even get through an entire month of following your blog schedule. But well, that’s hardly the end of the world, is it? Nope. Life, and fibro, just got in the way. So not a big deal. And in this first month, I did learn that I actually like having a schedule set out for myself for the month, and I think I’ll stick with it, at least for the time being. Well, starting this weekend anyway, as I think I’ll just give myself this week offline. But I remembered this draft I had started (that according to my schedule should have gone up yesterday…but you know, I’m trying to get rid of superfluous “shoulds”).

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*As much as I love open windows at night, there’s a new sort of giddiness inside me these last few weeks over the fact that we occasionally need to close them because of the temperatures are sometimes getting down into the lowers 40s.

*Oatmeal with dried cranberries for brunch.

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*Wow. I’m now a parent to three pretty damn awesome teenagers! (Happy Birthday, Max!!!) How lucky I am to get to be a part of all of their lives?!! Yep, very blessed indeed.

*Jean. Her generosity and kindness. I got an email from her that utterly left me in tears. Tears of utter gratitude for having her in our lives. It matters less than zero that we didn’t take her up on her unbelievably generous offer.

*Wow. And now another email that made me cry. Ecstatically happy tears. One of the many wonderful things about loving people is getting to share their joys. Even if it’s not in person, but across an ocean and through an email. I feel I was witness, if after the fact, to one of the best moments of Ana’s life to date. The ineffable happiness it brought me feels almost criminal.

*Dmitri. He finally got his clean bill of health and was able to come home with us. And you’d swear he’s always been a part of our family. He’s such a lovable kitty, all 20 pounds of him. Nothing makes him happier than being pampered with endless attention; his purr-er works overtime for sure. Five humans completely smitten with this beautiful nine-year-old cat.

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